Archer: The 10 Funniest Quotes

ytsfreeSeptember 18, 2022

Archer fans might be graced with a cameo from Daniel Craig in the future, giving the James Bond actor a chance to showcase his dry humor. With characters ranging from intense and violent to timid and dimwitted, the humor of the series is so vast that a character voiced by Craig could be a formidable addition to the agency and threaten Archer’s “deadliest spy” title.


Until Craig joins the cast for memorable moments, the characters provide enough humor and repeatable one-liners on their own. The funniest quotes of the series so far perfectly capture the dark humor of the series.

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10 “That’s How You Get Ants.”

Archer & Malory

Most frequently used by Archer and Malory, the line is a running gag often stated when someone is eating or drinking in the office. One of the funniest uses is when Lana knocks a box of donuts out of Archer’s hands, leaving the donuts all over the floor as she walks away.

Related: 10 Funniest Running Gags On Archer, Ranked

Archer says the phrase, which is almost immediately repeated by Malory when she sees the donuts on the floor. Like mother, like son. Archer clearly learns about the consequences of spilled food and drinks from Malory.

9 “You’re Like Wile E. Coyote With Access To Predator Drones.”

Lana

Slater comes up with an elaborate plan to gain access and monitor the Durhani royal family’s electronics. Complete with costumes and using Cheryl’s mansion, the plan is too complicated to succeed. Lana calls out Slater for his ridiculous plan, comparing him to the popular Looney Tunes character.

She’s not wrong. Just like Wile E. Coyote, Slater’s plan quickly falls apart and is an utter failure no matter how hard he tries to keep things on track. Instead of coming up with an easy plan, he pulls out all the stops, but he cannot plan for the infighting between agents.

8 “Press That Red Button.”

Dr. Krieger

As head of the research department for the intelligence agency, Dr. Krieger isn’t even a real doctor. He spends his time working on elaborate creepy projects like building sex robots. When introducing Archer to all the modifications to his car, Krieger tells him to press the red button.

Archer hesitates, asking, “Is it gonna kill everyone?” Krieger then tells him to push the blue button instead, implying he added a button to the car that can possibly kill everyone in some manner. Archer simply glosses over the kill button.

7 “Eyeglasses, Dark Hair, Gray At The Temples…”

Archer

During season 8, when Archer is in a coma, he dreams he’s a private eye butting heads with detective versions of Cyril Figgis and a male Pam (renamed Poovey). In this dream, Archer describes Figgis to the coroner, going on to compare his coworkers face to some unsavory parts of a pig.

Related: Friendships That Should Have Happened (But Didn’t) On Archer

The hilarious description is just another stab at Figgis’ expense. Even in his comatose state, Archer will find any reason to make fun of Cyril.

6 “And Silk Pajamas.”

Archer

Archer clearly inherited his self-centered personality from his mother. The two can banter like no other with no clear winner. When Malory says to Archer, “The say the devils in the details.” He has the snarky response about silk pajamas, the same outfit Malory happened to be wearing during their conversation.

However, Malory was unable to get in the last word as Archer immediately turned around and left the office. It’s doubtful she would be truly offended being called a devil, considering Malory is pretty funny herself.

5 “I Don’t Know, Maybe A Mutiny Of Clowns.”

Archer

Archer is always ready with an answer to any question, thinking he’s untouchable and can do or say anything he pleases. Commander of the International Space Station, Tony Drake, enlists the help of the agency to resolve a conflict due to political radicals holding the commander captive.

Related: The 8 Best Guest Stars In Archer

He asks, “Is mutiny funny to you, Mr. Archer?” to which Archer replies, considering a mutiny of clowns. The answer is so absurd and begs more questions about what a mutiny of clowns looks like. Even though the situation turned out to be a ploy to hold the agents hostage, Archer did not take the situation seriously with memorable results.

4 “I Thought We Were Laughing At The Dead People…”

Cheryl

As the lowest ranking person in the agency, Cheryl is a dark character, attracted to physical violence and overall craving attention. She’s often depicted as not the brightest at understanding situations and reading the room. After a dinner party gone awry leaves the agency to frame murder, the gang is sitting around the table, laughing about kladdkaka, the dessert made for the evening.

Cheryl thinks they’re laughing about the bodies they just set on fire. Her vapidness and dark humor are showing. Lana’s the only one to laugh at Cheryl, unclear if she’s laughing in agreement or at Cheryl missing the point.

3 “He’s The New…Whatever…Gun Librarian.”

Pam

With zero tact, Pam is the worst Human Resources professional. While showing the new armory supervisor around the agency, she introduces Rodney to Lana, using crass language and then calling him a “gun librarian.” Pam has never been appropriate to others in the office, and introducing the new employee is no different.

Rodney proceeds to claim Lana is Ms. Archer “cleverly disguised as a large man.” The exchange shows he fits right in without missing a beat or being thrown off by Pam being her typical inappropriate self.

2 “You Know What This Is?”

Slater

Slater is one of the best characters that wasn’t in season 1. The CIA agent is difficult yet hilarious. He and Archer never get along, constantly bickering. When Slater holds up his fist and asks if Archer knows what it is as he threatens him with a punch, Archer responds with, “Your best gal?” and immediately upsets Slater.

Slater is significantly more serious about his work than Archer who cannot take a break from cracking jokes at the expense of others. Slater wanted to hit Archer, but instead receives a joke inappropriate for the workplace while going over important information.

1 “I Was The First To See Its Potential As A Tactical Garment.”

Archer

Archer prides himself on his appearance. He chooses his clothing very carefully. When Archer and Lana are scoping the scene before their mission, Archer spots enemy agents dressed identically to him with black, fitted turtlenecks.

The clothing choice is the only thing he focuses on, outraged that other agents are using it on the job. Lana even tells him he needs to concentrate on their mission. Archer refers to the garment as, “The Tactical Turtleneck…The Tactleneck!” Archer credits himself with the turtleneck becoming popular with agents.

Next: Fan-Casting A Live-Action Version Of Archer

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